On being authentically Quaker. When I say to a person outside of my Quaker
community, “I am a Quaker,” I do not want to apologize for the actions of
another branch of Quakerism to which I do not ascribe. I do not like to defend the fact that
Quakerism is based in Christianity. I do
not want to witness to the story of Jesus to ask that his words and actions in
history be gentle, peaceful, inclusive, loving, and compassionate. I do not enjoy the feeling of shame and
apologetic tone I take when talking about Christ risen, the holy ghost, and the
violence and judgment humans have committed in the name of God. I want to be able to communicate and worship
with all branches of the Religious Society of Friends. I want to be led by the spirit/God to be
whole and to act in the world in ways that witness to peace and integrity in
the good name of the kind and gentle people called Quakers. I don’t know if this is the complete notion
of the Convergence effort in Quakerism, but it is one vision to which I am
called to witness, as I am led by the spirit.
I would like to call together a group of Quakers whose
spiritual journey is sourced in Buddhist, Universalist, or Non-Deist beliefs
and ask them to consider how the convergence effort effects the future of their
Quaker faith.
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| Statue of Buddha in my back yard with chalk drawings drawn by my children. |
I am realizing that in an effort to find peace among the branches
of Quakerism in the NW, I have been inauthentic in my expression of faith. I have been holding back. I hold my tongue and search for words. I often find a way to describe the spirit in
Quakerese or by using Christian language, though it is not what comes naturally
to me. I listen carefully to the
ministry of others and fit the words, meaning, and syntax into my own framework
of understanding so as not to allow my hackles to be raised.
It is not anger I feel when I hear the authentic words of others
in a Christocentric vein, it is fear of oppression I feel. I am terrified that this Quaker spirituality
I have found will no longer accept me, that I will be ushered to the door and
told to find another community or stay and conform. I fear it will no longer define me or my
lifestyle. I want to be accepted.
I feel as if I cannot continue to be a Quaker Mystic if I do
not have the body of Friends to support me and with which to worship. It is
more than having commonly held beliefs and ideals that connects me to
Friends. It is the unspoken experience
in silent communal worship. It is the
Quaker Way of listening, waiting, being led by spirit and truth telling. I have made my faith impersonal for the sake
of the greater good. At least this is the
story I am telling myself. All the
while, I have many mystical experiences leading me to a mind-blowing unifying
direct experience of god. It is often
wordless, but I am able to describe it using a mishmash of several different
faith systems, like Sufi, Christian, Taoist, Hindu, and Dr. Bronner.
I have begun to understand why some experiences of god, or
Quaking before sharing a message, rattle me to the core. It is about the truth. When god asks me to speak and gives me the
words to speak, it is without the filter of my fear. I want to speak the words that are best heard
by all. The energy of the one, the
spirit, of God wants us to hear one another.
It allows us to listen. It is a
physical experience for me. To be
completely inhabited by the whole and to speak truth is not frightening. I trust this expression of faith beyond all
others. I know it is without fear. Yet, it brings up a fight or flight response
in my body. I want to run, but I am held
fast by loving arms.
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| Photo of sculpture of life of Jesus at The Grotto |
I committed to these experiences when I became a convinced
friend. Or should I say these
experiences confirmed my faith. I have
chosen to be a part of the whole of the Quaker faith. One name, one experience, one trunk, one root
system, one peace. When I became a member,
I did not know the depth of the splits.
I have a sense of Quakerism that brings us into a place of unity the
world needs to see now. It is greater
than our differences. Our faith
experience may be in a unique position to tip the balance in the direction of
peace, prosperity, and connectedness with our Earth environment, and our human
existence. How can we, as a witness to
peace, see beyond that which separates us at a time when the Earth and its
inhabitants needs us most?
I have spent the last couple of years discovering the Bible
and Christian roots of Quakerism. There
have been times when I have felt unsafe in these words that define the very
foundation of Quaker faith. And I have
grown into them. Quakers for convergence
of the branches have taken my hand and allowed me to experience my fears and
doubts and I have never once felt unwelcomed in the world of Quakerism. It is after all, a faith based on
authenticity.
I have heard the words of Noah Baker Merrill, Marge Abbott,
Julie Peyton, Joe Snyder, and Jesus. In
these words and in the silence, I experience love. I experience a place where seeing the living
dream only requires a moment of being awake to know it is already here and
waiting for us. This everlasting life, this living water, this
light, is constant. It is patient. It is gentle.
It is all things. It is much larger
than any definition of a deity. It is
inside of us in our connection to one another, and to all living things. I hear this in the words of Jesus. I hear through the words others have put in
his mouth. I hear with my body. I feel
his love. It is complete joy. It is complete sadness. It is authentic, whole, and safe.
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| Wall of Crosses, made from flotsam and jetsam by Bob Dix |
I also hear the words of Rick Seifert and other Non-Dios
Friends, who know the spirit of life cannot be defined in such narrow
terms. They are Universalists. They are Buddhist in practice and Quaker in
faith. They see that the light of god is
only one way of describing a shared notion that our knowing is beyond
definition. Our love of the all one is
inseparable. All is one and it is
beautiful. It is a detriment to give
words to such an experience of beauty.
And this knowing brings ultimate peace and connectedness of all
things. The Earth, the person, the
universe, time. There is no reason to
fight if the person or thing one is fighting is the self. God is within us. God is all.
God is love. God is not the word
God. But, yes, if that is your knowing,
so be it.
I can no longer even act as if Jesus ever wanted us to stick
to the book. I hide my knowing because
with it I look down on those who use the Bible to find a practical application
of our faith. My sense is that we
already know how to be one with all things.
The knowing is in our body and it is eternal. Jesus came to remind us of that.
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